LOOKIN' AT THE BRIGHT SIDE A TUMORS
...in the voice of Sam Elliott
It all started with my head
See I had hydrocephalus
"Water on the brain"
So they drilled an extra hole up there
Put in a straw
Right to my stomach
And that was that.
Now to quench my thirst
All I do is think a ginger ale
Next I had surgery down bottom
Tailbone a my spine
Called Cauda Equina
Means "horse's tail"
Now maybe you think that's funny
I sure didn't
I had what's known as a laminectomy
They take off the top part of your spine
To scrape away that lump inside
Now everything went fine
I was recovering and runnin' around and everything
Then it hit me
Right on the lower back
See the doctor forgot to put that bone back
And it hit my nerve like a hit to the funny bone
It's only now I start to see the humor in it.
Finally I had radiation.
This seemed bad, it knocked out my
Vestibular system, a fancy term for balance
And boy you can say that again
Now I don't know how balanced I was before
Probly ate too much
Really liked that red wine
But now that my balance is gone
My life seems more balanced.
No wine and I'm eating healthy like.
It also knocked out my hearing
Made me see double (some say twice as much!)
It hit my legs pretty hard
Can't hardly move'm
Let alone walk
So that all seems a bit grim
But not to me
Experience taught me to be positive
And to be patient
So I am
I've been waitin' five years now
But my superpowers ain't come yet
Maybe next year