Nancy R. Crocker
The 100% World
I used to live in a 100% world. A world in which if I felt great, I would say, "I feel great!" and mean it. If I didnít feel great, I would expect my Mom, or my Doctor or my boyfriend to respond to my complaints and make it all better. Then, it would be better and I could say again, "I feel great." And mean it.
I donít live in a 100% world anymore.
Now, I practice smiling in a mirror and remind myself to smile when I am in public. I sit in a corner with my left hand under a piece of paper and hope that my meds kick in before my tremor gets so violent that the paper wonít hide it anymore.
Now, when the Doctor says I look great, I put on my practiced smile and nod.
I donít shoot for 100% anymore. I shoot for good enough. Itís tricky to know whatís good enough. Too much complaining might get me into a new medication that will make me feel worse. Too little complaining might prevent my Doctor from coming up with a simple fix.
The truth is that I will be sicker next year than I am this year and that maybe I should be pretty happy to be as well as I am now and celebrate this relative wellness.
Nobody wants to be around someone who complains all the time and is a bummer, so buck up and have a good attitude.
Within my not-a-100%-world, Iím doing pretty well. The door to the 100% world is closed to me forever. I will say good-bye and not look back.